The Idea Loss.
November 30, 2011 § 1 Comment
Idea Loss has been coming up over the past few days. I’ve been living in the reality of being a homemaker living in Glendale for the past fifteen months. At the beginning of November, Trever and I decided to move into a two-bedroom and make room for our growing family.
We gave our 30 days with our property manager and began our search. I was having a hard time getting from place to place to check out each unit with an active toddler sitting in the backseat. Yet I was managing.
At one point, mid-month, I said to Trever that I couldn’t decide where I wanted to live. He said he would gladly stay at our current spot for a little bit longer till we found what was best for us. And I agreed. So that same night, I emailed the property manager to see about the possibility of rescinding our notice.
It couldn’t be done.
The landlord supposedly wanted to remodel the never-before remodeled 1950′s unit and increase the rent. So we started searching even more vigorously and came up with a back-up plan: moving in with his parents.
As the impending moving day came closer and closer, I began a hormonal pregnant mama meltdown every other day. We didn’t find the perfect spot and here we are. Living with the in-laws.
I’ve been pretty depressed over the past couple days since we moved in. Audrey has said to me more than once, “You cry?” Yes, Mama cry. And it all comes back to the Idea Loss.
Idea Loss is having your perspective and/or reality change over night and feeling the mournfulness and sorrow over the death of the old point of view. Sometimes it’s a good thing, other times it’s such a great loss that it’s hard to deal with and process. I’m in a place where I’m not sure how to deal with it.
I went from being a wife and mom. Happily cooking, cleaning, laundering, etc. on a daily basis to feeling completely stuck. I had my daily activities planned, my mom friends, and my domestic and simple lifestyle that I enjoyed. Now I’m living in a house that lacks both freedom and safety. The two things that I prize above all else for my daughter.
I know it may seem like a more temporary situation than that; it is definitely hard to explain every side of the argument in one blog or open up completely. Yet I want you to know where I’m at. I’ve lost the little community that I built in my mom hood, so I’m feeling a bit shelter shocked.
I’ll figure it out. We’ll figure out. We always do. One idea at a time.
Photo: Driving away. They grow up too fast.
Ahh, they do grow up too fast. One thing I’ve been learning lately is that no matter where we go, or where we stay, we are the guardians of both ours and Simon’s spiritual atmoshpere. Even when we are in places that feel chaotic and unsafe, he is covered by the umbrella of our prayers and he is safe because of the armor of defense that we wear. I feel for you, my friend.