March 21, 2012 § 1 Comment
It’s not my parenting. Or the fact that I need help learning to parent. As I’ve had three or more friends point out, I’m good at “intuitive parenting” when I’ve told them I wanted to take the Echo Parenting class in Echo Park.
They’re right. It’s not my parenting. It’s my patience, self-control and ability to keep my temper. I love Audrey to bits and pieces but I often take the easy way out. Instead of talking to her, asking if she wants help, discussing options, and allowing her to share her opinion, I do just the opposite.
When we’re on a walk and I want to go home, more often than not, I pick her up kicking and screaming and get her to where I want to go. Usually this occurs when I have something going on–that is, I know it’s my issue, not hers. I have to go to the bathroom. I’m cold. I’m tired. Edric is crying. I’m hungry. I’m just not in the mood. I think she’s being bratty. And so on.
Me. My issue. My problem. My Issue Parenting. My behavior that is getting out of line that I need to control. It has absolutely zero, nada, zilch to do with Audrey. Okay, yes, she’s being a kid. But that’s what she does best.
And I think that’s the point of nonviolent parenting and nonviolent communicationp. It’s keeping your cool even when you don’t feel like it. It’s taking the hard way of remaining empathetic and understanding rather than throwing a fit yourself. Most importantly, it’s showing your child how to love and cope.
I want to model to Audrey how to treat other human beings in a way that I am proud of. In a way that I actually want myself and those around me to be treated. I find that when I get out of hand by not controlling myself and parenting in the way that is intuitive to me, I instantaneously regret what I have done.
I’m so over it. I’m over my lack of self-control and ready to take a deep breath and communicate. Even when Edric is screaming at the top of his lungs and Audrey wants to continue playing and isn’t listening. I’m gonna do it! I’m gonna not do the first thing that comes to mind. I’m going to love her in the midst of what feels like chaos. I’m going to stop my Issue Parenting if it’s the last thing I do and practice nonviolent parenting. For the sake of love.
Photo: Because she’s so worth it.