October 21, 2011 § 5 Comments
I don’t ever want to do something that gives me a superiority complex. I’ve been there. And I vividly remember what it feels like. I was often called “prideful” or “cocky” during my adolescent, teenage, and young adult years, but it was almost always because I was trying to compensate for something.
That “something” at the time happened to be my own desire to reach a state of maturity where I actually felt like I knew what I was doing. Like I had the coping skills to manage my thoughts, feelings, and actions. I would often overcompensate the appearance of maturity with a brazen, know-it-all fortitude.
It wasn’t at all helpful in many of my relationships. I can see why. No one likes a know-it-all. No one appreciates someone who goes around acting like something they’re not. And that’s what it comes down to. Instead of just being in the moment where life had placed me, I wanted to be beyond that. I literally can picture myself driving in the backseat of the car at age eight, wishing my adult years into existence and hoping that the large soda I was drinking was making me look cool. Silly, I know. But then again, that’s how a child’s mind works.
It’s taken me years to discover that I don’t have to “act” a certain way to be treated one way or another. I just need to accept myself for who I am, superior or not. Ha! Really though, I struggled with wanting to feel better than others so that I could make whatever was tearing me up inside with fear and self-doubt go away.
Something about engagement, marriage, motherhood and the struggle of it all has allowed me to simply relax in myself. I’m allowed to be introverted and become overwhelmed at parties. I’m allowed to worry about finances, make mistakes, and figure out what’s best for our family. I’m allowed to enjoy being a mom and the domestic life of cooking and cleaning. I’m allowed to be poor, have days where I accomplish nothing, finish all but the last bit of tea, and wear silly holiday slippers that Trever bought me years ago.
Maturity isn’t feeling superior or knowing everything. It’s allowing yourself to be you.
Community Discussion: How are you feeling about you? Are you feeling inferior? Superior? Do you like your level of maturity and where you’re at in life?
Photo: 24 Weeks and counting…