A Friendly Generosity.
March 28, 2012 § Leave a Comment
If there’s one thing we all need more of, it’s cookies! Seriously though, after having friends and family bring me food after the birth of Edric during the month of February, it got me thinking: I want to repay that generosity in kind.
So I started baking cookies and bringing snacks with me wherever I went. When I joined a friend on a playdate, I brought two drinks instead of just one. I brought more fruit and crackers to share. More seaweed. And hopefully with it, more love.
I desire to be a more generous person. Although we’re not making much over here, I don’t think it matters. I don’t think the stars, karma, or any higher being is wondering or asking if we’re making enough the pay the bills. You just have to do it. I have to do it.
For the sake of my own spirit and soul, I have to put myself out there and act in even just a smidgen of faith. We always have enough for food. I always have what I need. And never once have I thought, “Oh darn, if I wouldn’t have shared that, I would have it now.”
Sometimes, especially during times of hardship, we hold onto things with a tighter grip. We keep our fist clenched around our material possessions and the like because it’s natural. Perhaps it shouldn’t be so. Rather an open palm might be better not only for those around us, but for our own souls. Our own pure happiness.
Here’s a few generous tips:
• Make a pot of soup and share it with a neighbor across the way
• Buy two bottles of Kombucha (one for a friend) and enjoy
• Bake a few dozen cookies and send them with your partner to work
• Get a box of donuts and bring them to the park…offer them to strangers
There you have it. We could all use a bit of friendly generosity now and again. I can’t tell you how grateful I am to those who have shown it to me. To those who have treated me as they would like to be treated. And that’s really all it comes down to. A friendly generosity.
Financial Fantasy.
January 13, 2012 § Leave a Comment
This post is in no way, shape, or form meant to be a downer. It’s intention is to cause you to think and view your financial situation differently. Some of you will stop reading there, because it’s just plain not that fun. Others of you will continue to read because you’re curious and by golly, you’d like to get out of this mess.
For the past few years, Trever and I have been living in what we like to call a Financial Fantasy. A future fantasy, to be more specific. We’ve spent more of our time, energy and money hoping and wishing for some nonexistent financial wealth and stability that isn’t there.
In so doing, we’ve spent above our means on numerous occasions. Lived like we made more than we actually did. And gotten into trouble more than once. On top of that, we haven’t saved a single cent because of it.
Here’s what I mean: We’ve been hopeful on a continual basis that a few of the following situations would occur:
1. Trev would land a big part on a TV show or get a movie
2. I would get a freelance gig that was consistent and well-paying
3. Trev would get a carpentry job that payed our bills, while allowing us to save and for him to continue auditioning
4. That some of our debt from the Airstream or my student loans would vanish
So not every situation is completely far-fetched, but let’s face it–none of them are reality. The reality is up till August 2011, we were living on a Fantasy Budget without the means to even pay our fixed bills and buy food and gas. We cut that down and we’ve been much better ever since. Not perfect, but better.
Could any of the above scenarios occur? Sure. But until then, we need to go back to the drawing board and live within our means. Our current means. Not means that might someday exist, causing us to be fruitful, pay down our debt, and save.
What does this mean for you? Well, for one thing: look at your income and compare them to your expenses. I’m not talking about how much you make versus your bills, I mean that summary at the top of your bank statement that says “Income” and “Expenses” or the like. Is your income constantly higher than expenses? Are you socking money away in a three to six month emergency savings account? Are you using–and completely paying off–any consumer debt? If you answered “no” to any of those questions, you’re living in a Financial Fantasy.
Secondly, categorize and write down the average expenses over the last few months using the said bank statements. When Trever and I did this, our eyes were opened to the hundreds of dollars we were spending on frivolous items, ATM withdrawals, and eating out. The paper doesn’t lie. And if it does, you should be calling your bank. We discovered an average of over $500 unnecessary expenditures in each of the 3 months we looked at. If you’re spending over the necessities (rent, utilities, debt, health insurance, life insurance, car insurance, cellphones, food, gas) without having the means, you’re living in a Financial Fantasy.
Lastly, it’s time to get in reality. Reality is looking at your actual income and comparing it to the necessary expenses. If they don’t match up, you need to cut them down in one way or another. For some, this might mean finding cheaper insurance and not eating out. For others, the decision may be as difficult as selling your home or using a strategic foreclosure–a little something we learned from Tom Hanks in Larry Crowne–to get out from under home debt and property taxes. We know, none of it is easy. But living in reality is pure bliss when compared to pretending your life is something it isn’t.
If this isn’t you at all and you’re just that awesome, perhaps it’s time to start thinking about: paying off your debt faster, saving more, and giving more through philanthropy. If you need help because budgeting and financial reality aren’t your strong suite, email me. I’m always here to help. And this is an extremely exciting reality to help you with.
Community Discussion: Have you been living in Financial Fantasy?
A Family Overview.
January 9, 2012 § 1 Comment
It’s been one exciting year in the lives of our little O’Brien family. We’ve had so much go on that we’ve just attempted to take it one day at a time. Our perspectives have had tons of beautiful revamping and we’re ready for 2012–filled with new, satisfying beginnings.
As a family, we’ve grown together and learned to rely on one another’s consistency, even when everything else has seemed uncertain. We’ve had quite a few financial struggles with carpentry and acting work being sparse, yet rather than give up and give in, we’ve had the support of good friends and pushed through these tough times. We’ve cut our budget insurmountably and made it through. It feels like after over four years of being together, we’ve got a good foundation and can move on to other goals as a family that are important to us including spiritual, physical, and dream-job-related.
Trever has continued to be the responsible, focused, and loving husband and papa that he is. In March he tried his hand at DJ and Emcee school, but decided it wasn’t going to be all that he hoped for, even though he was phenomenal at it. On April 20, he stopped drinking and has been sober ever since. It’s really been a great change for us as a family. Trev has worked for numerous companies and clients, doing carpentry work. He’s gained more knowledge–and tools–this year and he never ceases to amaze me with his gift to work with his hands. Woo woo! Nothing seems too impossible for him and he tackles any project–from his least favorite dry wall to installing stairs to fine finish work. He has worked for a building company, a general contractor and good family friend in Laguna Beach, and a myriad of friend clients all over. With an ability to do practically anything, he’s helped more people than I can count and I admire him for that.
Audrey has grown just as much as a person. She’s gone from a little shoo shoo to a big girl, turning two on January 2nd. She loves to build things and knock them down, read books, talk on the phone, and go on walks whilst pushing her baby in a stroller. In May, she even began using the potty and has been ever since. Audrey is unsurprisingly quite the ham, enjoying every minute of having her photo or video taken. She has made numerous good friends throughout this year that have provided her with consistency even with the changes that have occurred within our family. As she learns more sentences and puts things together, we’re looking forward to communicating with her more and more. We know she’ll make a great big sister!
I have had a great year being a wife and mom. I can’t remember what I was doing prior to 2011. My days are filled with playing with Audrey, going on walks, grocery shopping, doing chores around the house, visiting the Farmer’s Market, and–beginning in late April–making a baby. As menial as it may sound to some, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ve also poured hundreds of hours into posts on my blog, jennylvoe.com…one of my favorite pastimes. Through it, I’ve had the opportunity to help other friends, new and old, with creative entrepreneurship, personal development, and community building both through writings and one-on-one via consulting. And with the impending arrival of our second babe, I can’t wait for all that 2012 has to offer.
As mentioned previously, Trever and I are thrilled to get our ducks in a row and are looking forward to exploring our spirituality more this year, getting my tummy and his heart checked out so we can feel better physically, and start our own business–hopefully a reclaimed furniture company–by mid-year.
Hope your 2011 was as eventful as ours. Here’s to a fabulous 2012, filled with growth, love, and peace.
If you would like any carpentry work completed, creative/business consulting, or just some good company…let us know! We’re looking forward to doing more with those we love and that means you!
The Idea Loss.
November 30, 2011 § 1 Comment
Idea Loss has been coming up over the past few days. I’ve been living in the reality of being a homemaker living in Glendale for the past fifteen months. At the beginning of November, Trever and I decided to move into a two-bedroom and make room for our growing family.
We gave our 30 days with our property manager and began our search. I was having a hard time getting from place to place to check out each unit with an active toddler sitting in the backseat. Yet I was managing.
At one point, mid-month, I said to Trever that I couldn’t decide where I wanted to live. He said he would gladly stay at our current spot for a little bit longer till we found what was best for us. And I agreed. So that same night, I emailed the property manager to see about the possibility of rescinding our notice.
It couldn’t be done.
The landlord supposedly wanted to remodel the never-before remodeled 1950′s unit and increase the rent. So we started searching even more vigorously and came up with a back-up plan: moving in with his parents.
As the impending moving day came closer and closer, I began a hormonal pregnant mama meltdown every other day. We didn’t find the perfect spot and here we are. Living with the in-laws.
I’ve been pretty depressed over the past couple days since we moved in. Audrey has said to me more than once, “You cry?” Yes, Mama cry. And it all comes back to the Idea Loss.
Idea Loss is having your perspective and/or reality change over night and feeling the mournfulness and sorrow over the death of the old point of view. Sometimes it’s a good thing, other times it’s such a great loss that it’s hard to deal with and process. I’m in a place where I’m not sure how to deal with it.
I went from being a wife and mom. Happily cooking, cleaning, laundering, etc. on a daily basis to feeling completely stuck. I had my daily activities planned, my mom friends, and my domestic and simple lifestyle that I enjoyed. Now I’m living in a house that lacks both freedom and safety. The two things that I prize above all else for my daughter.
I know it may seem like a more temporary situation than that; it is definitely hard to explain every side of the argument in one blog or open up completely. Yet I want you to know where I’m at. I’ve lost the little community that I built in my mom hood, so I’m feeling a bit shelter shocked.
I’ll figure it out. We’ll figure out. We always do. One idea at a time.
Photo: Driving away. They grow up too fast.
Electronic Boundaries.
October 3, 2011 § 4 Comments
I believe all things in life require us to have boundaries. Some boundaries are easier for us to follow for ourselves than others. Even more so, it can be more attractive to create one’s that benefit our inner personal lives or our relationships to our advantage. But what about when it comes to inanimate objects, like our computers, smart phones, cars, and the like?
Since boundaries are usually a lifeskill that our parents teach us, it’s funny to imagine my mother giving me lessons on having self-control over surfing the Internet. Although I do remember getting in trouble for using chat rooms in secret at age eleven. Yet the rule was: don’t do it. Not “this is how you create an electronic boundary.”
So here I was, 27, and feeling all alone with these desires to constantly be looking things up, gaining more knowledge, reading other people’s blogs, checking my social networks and email, playing Words with Friends, seeing if anyone had commented on my status, replying to comments posted on my blog, listening to voicemails, adding things to my to-do’s, editing and uploading photos, putting things on my calendar, searching for new apps to create more distractions. Sadly I could go on. All day, in fact.
My smart phone–my beloved iPhone–had become an addiction. I used it as my BFF rather than actually connecting with those around me. Please note: most of my blogs are my personal convictions and confessions of realizing really how retarded I was being and my discovery and growth out of that. Not how I think you should do things, or live. Rather revelation I feel compelled to share with you.
Now that we’re clear on that, let’s understand where this addiction led me. After being on bedrest for the first ten weeks of my pregnancy, I became very used to being on my iPhone. I didn’t realize I wasn’t giving Audrey all the attention she deserved, as I have mentioned before. This realization led to a pendulum swing of needing to rid myself of said device in order to one, lower our cellphone bill and two, solve my problem.
I spent about two weeks processing my use of my electronic device; writing down numerous ideas, going to the AT&T store to check options, discussing it with Trev and other friends, writing out more thoughts, and taking fasts from even looking at my phone. I deduced what I used my phone for–meal planning, blogging, photo/video purposes, and communicating–and concluded days later that in and of themselves those were not bad things.
After speaking to the hubby about bill-lowering ideas (the man had ideas he was hiding) and lowering them the following day by $200 per his suggestion, we finally achieved our goal of having “almost” less expenses than income coming in. Shocking, I know. And thrilling at that.
This released a lot of pressure from my weary soul of my love/hate relationship with my iPhone. I allowed myself to see the good things about it and search myself for what I could do differently if it was going to stick around. This is sounding more and more like a relationship. And then it hit me! I needed boundaries with this silly device. So what did I do?
• Day 1: I only used it when I needed to (not even picking it up when it rang)
• Day 2: I checked my social networks when Audrey was napping
• Day 3: I discovered that I would only save $30/month by not having an iPhone on the cheapest AT&T Go Phone plan
• Day 4: I focused on Trever and Audrey and used my phone for the Whole Foods recipe app
• Day 5: I created a “schedule” of when I could use my iPhone: morning prior to when Audrey wakes, during afternoon nap, after my loves go to bed, and in necessary communication times and emergencies.
What does this mean? In a week I designed a system of boundaries to allow myself to view my gadget as healthy rather than abuse it and be codependent with it for my own selfish purposes. I think this can be done with anything or anyone. It isn’t healthy, but we do it. Perhaps my story has helped you a bit. I’m starting to be more and more grateful for what I have, what I can afford, what we choose to spend our money on, and accept that even good things can be used inappropriately, but that doesn’t mean you have to cut it off. You can also create a thought shift and, in my case, some electronic boundaries.
Update: I wrote this blog prior to discovering on Saturday with Trev that we could shift some of our AT&T wireless stuff around and save $45/month. Thank you sales rep Reyes who’s looking out for the little guy.
Photo: This lil thing is worth creating electronic boundaries for.
This Birthday.
April 6, 2011 § Leave a Comment
It’s amazing what can happen over time. When I had my first birthday with Trever in the not-so-distant past of 2008, I told him,
“I hate birthdays. Something bad always happens on my birthday. It’s never what I want it to be.”
I would even encourage him to NOT buy me a thing. Not celebrate me. Not do anything special. And certainly not throw me a party. Therefore, I thought, the bad stuff wouldn’t happen.
I hadn’t realized until Trever loved me so much that a ton of my issues came up. Issues that I didn’t know were there or were a problem until he came into my life.
Birthdays were one of those days (as were pretty much all holidays). My family background caused me to dislike a lot of celebration. I connected celebrating directly with pain, hurt, and arguments. My parents, though I love them to death, had issues of their own that were brought up on holidays. Causing a groupthink to occur that brought negativity to flow through what should be a happy day.
Since that first birthday with Trever and many subsequent holidays, I have gotten over myself. So to speak. I never really “worked through” my birthday garbage. I just felt loved by Trever and beautiful people like you. Now my birthday just feels nice. I enjoy thinking of the celebration of the day I came into the world.
Audrey has added to that feeling by knowing the importance of the day that she was born first-hand. Her birth day caused me to see the day for what it really was: A celebration for the life of a person that has just begun. She is my sunshine. My love. Her life beginning has been the most important cornerstone of my life thus far. Without her, I don’t think I would fully understand the beauty of birthdays.
I can’t tell you how grateful I am to know this now and to not have wasted any more birthdays on my own self-pity. Let’s celebrate my day. Your day. Every day. Each day is someone’s birthday, so might as well. May this birthday and this year be the best one yet.
Ask Jenny: The Hard Question.
March 8, 2011 § Leave a Comment
Ask Jenny: This weekly post features questions from you guys. If you have a question about any thing creative business related, ask away! Shoot me an email, message me on Facebook, whatever you’d like. I’m here for you guys.
It’s so important to value what you do creatively. Some people don’t get that. I hear it a lot from friends. Doing charity work is one thing. Doing per diem to get the job is another. And friends asking you to bend over backwards is a whole different discussion in itself. What do you do when your friends or family ask you to do things for them for free with nothing in return (trade or trade plus pay is also another option)? Read on to find out.
Q: So, I think the question all freelance artists have to grapple with at some times is: What do you do when your friends ask you to do work for them at a discounted price? I’ve been having trouble with this a lot lately as my friend Steve has been asking me to do a bunch of things for him. I painted the bathroom at his work for $200 when any self-respecting artist would have gotten $1000 or $1200 for it! Now he’s asked me to design a t-shirt for him, and I told him that $30/hour IS a discounted price, but he still wants me to do it for less.
Do you have any suggestions on how to handle this?
______________________________________
A: Yeah. I have a few. 
Here’s what you could say.
A) Sure! I’d love to. Here’s my contract. You’ll be hearing from my lawyer if it’s breached.
B) I worked really hard to get where I’m at, so discounting it more isn’t an option. Would you work for a third of what you’d normally charge?
C) I can do it for $25/hr plus 5% of sales paid to me monthly.
D) You’re abusing our friendship and it’s not getting you anywhere except on my bad side.
The dilemma with right now (and with certain people and companies) is they use circumstances to make excuses. The economy, our friendship, the experience, the work, the addition to your portfolio, etc. None of these are appropriate. All of these are abuse. As an artist, you don’t have to take the abuse. It might mean “less work”, but it’s also less heartache.
People and companies that START OUT by asking you to bend over backwards won’t stop there. That’s only the beginning. Once you’re in the door everything WILL NOT be roses and sunshine, but quite the opposite.
They will ask for more work. More cheap labor. More changes. More “stuff that should be easy” (that’s my favorite). It’s never ending. It doesn’t get better. It’s always abusive.
This can be a hard thing to grapple with when you really what work. Or when the person is super consistent (aka a pain in the arse). They’re like an abusive boyfriend that makes it feel like it’s you’re fault. You’re the crazy one. You should change your perspective. You should do it. You shouldn’t be this way or that. Not cool.
So on that note my answer would be: Don’t work for these kinds of people. You want to work with the people that see such high value of your work that they’ll pay what you ask and then some. The people that are so grateful, they buy you lunch, tell their friends, share it on social networks, get you more gigs, and love you till the end of time. Just like you’d want in a significant other.
Some friends or family members just aren’t good people to work with. If they’re unhealthy in other areas of their life, there’s a good chance this is no different. Some people just can’t see boundaries. And you trying to guide their way isn’t going to work. You have to do what your gut tells you regardless of who the person or company is. Remember: if you’re doing a job you knew you shouldn’t have taken in the first place, you won’t leave room when the “right” project comes along.
Stuff Schmuff.
December 2, 2010 § Leave a Comment
Photo by Lisa Scarsi
My desire to stop the giving of stuff is not because I am poor. Though I am. It is not because I don’t feel like it. Though I don’t. It is not because I’m attempting to get others to do the same, or see my perspective, or see the true reason for the season (whatever that may be). On the contrary it is something that I’ve been pondering for quite some time now. For the past three or so years, I have been thinking, “Why all the stuff? What’s so important? What does it do for me? For others? It just feels so unfulfilling. And yet everybody’s doing it?!?”
When the mainstream world does it, that’s when I usually question it. I love to go against the flow. I love to question what “everybody’s” doing. I love to take a step back and go, “Hmmm. When was the last time I did things like everyone else? Let’s see. Never.” So why is Christmas so different?
For me, it’s almost addictive. When I think of Christmas, I think of being codependent with others. I think of buying things people need. Things people want. I think of spending money I don’t really have. I think of their faces when I give them something they really like. I get a high off of that feeling. When I think of this Christmas coming up, I think of wanting that feeling.
When I think of doing what I really want to do, which is giving people things I think they will appreciate that I’ve made, created, baked, re-gifted, and so on (the “unmainstream” thing to do), I get all clammy. I think of how they’ll be disappointed. How they won’t like what I’ve given them. How they will be hurt that I didn’t get them something off their list. I feel like a coward. Hiding behind my Christmas ideals. That they don’t understand.
Will they ever forgive me? Will they think I’m just a load? Well, I am.
When did this all start anyway?
My Christmases long past have since been filled with stuff. Stuff I never knew I needed. That I thought would make me happy. But didn’t. That I desired, but made no difference in my happiness as I would have hoped. I remember the pile that I organized and created with my new things. I remember carrying them up the stairs. And putting them away in their places. I remember being asked, “What did you get this year?” later that day, and having no recollection of what I did receive.
Feeling no different after the day was said and done.
Since I’ve been married to Trever, it is the presents that he took great care in. The items he thoroughly thought about and/or created. Those are the things that have meant the most to me. And in their own right, they’re gifts I’ll treasure and keep forever. Paintings, silly mixed media, and the like. Items that he thought of months beforehand (and waited to finish to the last second albeit, beautiful nonetheless). And put time and effort into.
What brought me hear? Why do I ponder what I ponder? Surely something must have gotten me to this point? There are a few things that I’ve considered.
- Chalk it up to Audrey: She is the first and foremost reason why I want a bigger and better reason for the season. I told Trever months ago that I didn’t want to teach her that when you’re bored, you shop. Christmas is no different. I want to have a contemplative reason of why we celebrate what we do. Buying lots of gifts didn’t seem to do it justice.
- Money for another cause: I feel like I receive lots of gifts in all shapes and sizes to fulfill my needs all year long. I even have a birthday (and sometimes even a half birthday) when I receive presents just for me. I’d rather spend the money on a) something more thoughtful for each person or b) a good cause that I’m passionate about.
- Mixed messages a no-no: It can’t only be me, but we’re sending our children and those around us mixed messages when we say we’re celebrating for one reason and then spend the day opening gifts. My dad tried to read us a special passage one year, but we weren’t having it! “On with the presents!” we cheered.
Your reasons may be similar. Or perhaps you think I’m crazy. Either way, what I hope you leave with is: now is the best time to start thinking about why you’re celebrating what you’re celebrating. Whatever it may be. I long to celebrate for more than just the giving and receiving. But for the hope, joy, laughter, and community of it all as well. Whatever your beliefs may be, we can find common ground here. Life is worthy of celebration. Togetherness. Love. And cookies. Cookies are good too.
