April 7, 2013 § Leave a Comment
What if you could achieve love and happiness just by shifting your perspective? What if your dream life was right in front of you and you didn’t even know it? What if you could live the life you wanted–or thought you wanted–just by following a few simple guidelines that you found within yourself?
Sounds pretty awesome, right? I’m not talking about religion. I’m not even talking about spirituality the way you’ve probably been taught to view it. I’m talking about truth.
We all have truth within us. A way to override the system that defines us, creates who we are. If your brain was a computer (thank god it’s not), truth would be software that can override your old software commonly known as the subconscious. By updating it with some new snazzy iOS on a continual basis, you effect your very hardware that is you by default: Your beliefs, thought patterns, emotions/vital energy, and physical being. This leads to a life that is filled with more love and happiness.
Now I’m not advocating for any one thing in particular, except for maybe love, but even then you can only do what you are comfortable with. You can only live in your flow today, in the present. So what choices can you make today that will lead to a tomorrow filled with more love and happiness?
Just do one thing: Eat more veggies.
I know it sounds stupid to some, but just think: what you put into your mouth effects your entire being! So if you could simply replace some of your animal based products with plant based one’s, such as kale, which has a hefty amount of vitamin K, C, A, B’s, fiber, folate, iron, potassium, and so on in 36 calories as compared to chicken’s tryptophan, B6 and B3, selenium, protein, chlorine, and phosphorous for 187 calories in 4 ounces.
Kale is also love and happiness going into your tummy, while I cannot consciously say the same for chicken. I only want to put love and happiness into my body, that is why my life has brought me to a place of veganism. I chose it.
If you would like love and happiness beyond what my blog offers, please feel free to email me at jenny lvoe at gmail dot com.
February 18, 2013 § 2 Comments
Nothing in this world can define me. By their very definition, I am connected to this language by verbiage to describe myself. Yet I feel altogether disconnected from it.
Mother, daughter, sister, friend, lover, wife. And the hundreds of other descriptors that have filtered through my life, through my belief system.
I am even tempted to remove “Unity Consultant” from my blog and am wishing it was not even on my business cards.
In this moment, I just am. I am. I am simply me. My birth name does not even define me. Is this what it feels like to be a baby? To be a newborn sitting in your mothers arms? Perhaps even a young one still in utero?
You see, inside of me, I had a belief that I must be externally defined. That something outside of me–in this case, language and acts of doing–must define me and fill the space inside my mind. That those doing’s would lead me on some obscure journey towards something. This “something” I have no idea what it may be. I’ve never seen it, never heard it.
Alas, that’s not true. I’ve seen glimpses. I’ve had moments of allowing myself to embrace this “I am”-ness and just reside in it, however uncomfortable. As soon as it skips away, I beat myself up, tear myself down, remind myself of my false beliefs, et cetera et cetera et cetera. I fall into the conditioned ego self again.
I have seen it. I have heard it. I know this feeling, this thought pattern, this physical calmness, this connection. Peace, peace, peace, peace. Love, love, love, love.
Do you know what I did today while fighting against this process with all of my being (my ego would not have it!!)? I realized that I equate all transformative growth to: Pain. I could connect every belief in my entire being back to pain. Every bit of doing, for that matter as well.
“Is it painful? Good. I’ll grow. I love growth,” I’d say to myself.
This concept, belief system, is sprinkled throughout my adult life.
It is so deeply entrenched that I am holding onto it with every last bit of my ego. If I do not have this belief, I really have nothing. How painful/growing the experience will be is my ultimate deciding factor in any decision…the two completely intertwined in my mind so closely that I cannot see/hear the difference.
Although I can honestly say it is the scariest thing to admit, I am freaking out right now that I may very well have just figured out how to bestow freedom upon myself. That is to allow myself to live in a higher state of consciousness. Or for those folks of you out there who prefer more down to earth language: I think I might have just found my key to happiness. And I’m certain you will find the same.
Wishing you love,
July 30, 2012 § 4 Comments
When I was in my early twenties I got this real bad itch. Figuratively. During my college years I wasn’t searching for nor did I find “The One.” I wanted to travel, go places, see the world! It didn’t matter that I had college debt, I knew I would figure out how to pay that. I didn’t even care about my minimal material possessions, I was dreaming about living out of a suitcase and taking advantage of public transportation.
As the years went on, I did travel for about eight months or so, I married, had kids, and somewhat lost myself. Deep down inside, the itch went on itching and I couldn’t help but feel hopeless.
For whatever the reason, things have happened to us. Stupid financial decisions, material possessions that cause us debt, heartache in the form of health problems. The stress kept piling up over the years. Trever and I are in love, indeed, yet have felt drastically more stressed about life than one should be.
Enough with our woes.
At the onset of this year, we put out three main goals to focus on: spiritual, physical, and dream-job-oriented, which I outlined in my post A Family Overview in review of 2011. Our hopes have been to connect more spiritually, get my tummy and his heart and back issues in order, and do something fabulous together to make mula.
Crazy how when you put that out in the universe, she listens.
My tummy, as many of you know, has given me major troubles. Especially since my pregnancy with Edric Fane (born January 31), I haven’t been able to digest food properly. Or so I thought.
Gluten seemed to the be issue since about 2007 when I cut it out of my diet. And then I tacked on dairy, which had been a struggle since my toddlerhood. As well as animal protein, post-Eddie pregnancy.
Shoot, I didn’t even feel like eating, let alone raising two children, dealing with mold issues and legal battles, going on a spiritual pilgrimage, or starting a company with Trever (more on that another time). Nothing sounding appealing and everything felt overwhelming. And I mean everything.
…That’s what happens when you can’t eat.
I was about up to my wits end on existential looping when I decided I needed some talk therapy or something. I asked around on FB. Texted some friends. (This was right after I spent two weeks living on rice and kale, thinking I had an ulcer, and was in a fender bender in my new-to-me car with AC whilst turning into my homeopathic doctors office. I had had it up to here!)
My good friend, Crystal, in particular wanted to share her magicians, uh hum, healers information with me. She had helped her become pregnant with her fabulous little man Rane 3 years prior-to.
I needed a little magic. I figured it was worth a shot.
I had Trever call the healer because on this particular Thursday night I was curled up in a ball with “stomach” pain. That night we would set an appointment for the next Monday to come.
As the weekend passed, I was filled with excitement in anticipation. Someone who could possibly actually possibly help me. A miracle.
Monday came and Trever and I jaunted down to meet said healer with the kids. In an hour and a half of amazingness, she discovered the problem, diagnosed the issue, and recommended a supplement to be taken breakfast, lunch, and dinner 3x a day for 13 days.
My pancreas has been operating at almost nothing, meaning I haven’t been digesting food. My mom confirmed this when I relayed the news and she told me of a gut instinct (no pun intended) she had to get my pancreas checked when I was eight! 8! 8!
It was also my spleen. It hasn’t been creating enough red blood cells, thus it hasn’t been transporting enough oxygen to the rest of my body. Hence the exhaustion.
That Monday is best day of my life that I can think of to date (okay, minus my graduation, marriage, birth of children, and a handful of others). Learning the possible source of my issue and, in turn, allowing my body to heal itself through the usage of supplements has been the greatest gift I could give myself.
Many of you have probably heard me complain about my stomach, wheat-free gluten-free vegan diet, and thus have seen me not in my best form. For that I apologize. I’m on the up and up.
Discovering the gut source has allowed me to become a better person. A better wife, a better mom, a better friend. And it marks the beginning of an adventure that we, as a family, are about to embark on called Life.
Here’s to better today’s. And happier tomorrow’s. Thanks for hanging in there with me.
March 23, 2012 § Leave a Comment
Over the past three weeks, I’ve been reading Dr. Marshall Rosenberg’s “Nonviolent Communication” and it’s been more than life changing. In a later post, I’ll go into more depth on the concepts of NVC, but let’s just say this: it’s opened my eyes up to the importance of naming my feelings and sharing them as well as naming the feelings of those around me.
This post is a great poetic description of naming of those feelings and letting them out in a very real way.
Anger. Fear. Pleasure. Sadness. The basics of feelings that stem to all others. They’re a continuous strand of verbs, adjectives, and the like that describe what’s going on inside. They extend from east to west. They’re never ending yet interconnected. One can and often does lead to another. Continuing on to the depths of the soul.
All at once one may not be able to describe. Or one may be able to precisely pinpoint. Even deducting where. How. Whence those feelings arose before. Contrary, some move on regardless. Blindly into day as if it were night. Unaware of those misguided, nay misplaced feelings. Incautiously moving supposedly forward.
Some feelings get breezed over by the strong winds that flow through one’s person. Winds that are brought on by externalities. Externalities that one allows to control the inner-self. Media. Friends. Family. Noise that brings a strong wind. One that is so gracefully flowing that it may pass through unbeknownst to the feeler. And these feelings could quite possibly be false on a variety of levels.
Untrue because they have been brought on and steered by another. Covertly or overtly. And your soul just soaks them in. Instead of standing against the wind, as a strong red wood. One blows to-and-fro, leaves falling abruptly to the ground. And your mind, yourself, with them. Feelings can also be dismayed by the lies deeply in the roots of the past. The soil that seems so rich beneath is actually burdened with spoiled soil; see, hear, smell, touch.
Sense something around oneself that brings upon nostalgic feelings. And instead of digging into the roots to find the corrupt soil. The roots grow deeper into the nothingness. The non-reality. Needless to say, it is one’s responsibility to decipher between the feelings of truth. And the feelings of lies.
To ignore them completely–of which I have been abliged to most of my life–causes an actual sickening. An actual weakening of the body, mind, and spirit. To stuff them. Repress them. Ignore them. Move on. And look past the feelings with one’s own retort.
“I’m too good for feelings.”
“I don’t feel.”
“I’m too hard for that.”
“That’s not my style.”
“I don’t know what I feel.”
“I don’t base my decisions on feelings.”
To retort is yet again a lie to only be divulged in. Revoked. And exposed. Feelings are reactions to thoughts. Thoughts give way to action. Action guides dreams. Dreams unfold the future. Perhaps it is time to sit down and ponder upon one’s feelings today.
Originally posted in 2006.
February 24, 2012 § Leave a Comment
This was originally written about my relationship with Trever when we first got together. We had known each other for two years, but never had we been in a relationship together. Yet when we started dating a month prior to, we just knew. We knew we wanted to choose one another. By this point, we had been dating for a few weeks and had already bought an engagement ring.
Now we have been married for four years and have two beautiful little one’s together. I’ve never been happier. And It’s a choice I continue to make every day to this day.
Happy Anniversary, Trever. I love you!
It’s a mystery of treasure. The search of treasure. More valuable than rubies. More costly than gold. More beautiful than thirty-three white diamonds. Than the ensemble of a cross inlaid with four yellow diamonds. Than a setting of a crown. Into the unknown. The four corners of the world. Sent out two-by-two. As king. And queen. No one ever requested it to be so. Buried deep beneath. The earth it lay. I asked. Requested. Knocked. Begged. There were still gaps in my knowledge. Of how to take care of the treasure that I so longed to possess. To hold. And embrace. To cherish. To keep secret. To adore. To love unconditionally. Never having been seen before. A journey I embarked on. Single-handedly. Leading me to the treasure. The treasure that grows.
I went out into a field. Only to find wheat swaying in the cool breeze. Under the glistening of the morning sunrise. To no avail found nothing of value. The owner kept his crop to himself. And did not pay attention to my presence. Pretending that I had been an intruder. And the he was put out by my arrival. I tilled the ground for hours under the beating sun. Hoping to earn a profit. The owner laughed at my request of room and board, complaining of another mouth to feed. Of the cost required to care for one more thing. My hands had not done enough. I had not given enough of myself. To his liking. He hired another. So I wondered to the next destination.
Mid-day I happened upon a vineyard. fine grapes for delicious wine. The owner of the vineyard introduced me to the family. Whom it belonged to. The inheritance that could be gained if I stayed. To work and toil. But my mistakes were plentiful. For I did not understand their way of life. Their disparaging, back-breaking turning of the ground. To keep it in line. To produce the perfect end result. And to gain the family entitlement. i was crushed. For I did not long to be drunken with its bitter taste. I did not desire to drink of their hardships. Their wants. Their conditional love of the earth. That was engrossed in an inheritance of their ancestry.
Shortly there after I came to an orchard. With fruit sprouting from every branch. Growing slowly. The sun was falling upon the colors of red so fine. Casting black shadows across. And shining white light of rays. I knew I was not alone. I took the fruit and gracefully laid it in the baskets. At the foot of each tree. I smelled them. Tasted them. Loved them. Held them in my hands. Knowing I had stumbled upon something of greater worth. They dripped of sweet embrace. In the shape of a heart. They smelled of lilies. And roses so fine. Against my lips. Pure delight and the specialties of the holiday most loved. I continued to dance through each row. Dancing in circles. I found comfort in the orchard. alone. Singing. To myself. Others had laughed before this. When they saw me moving. Had laughed when they heard my voice. I shut my eyes tightly. For they were no longer there.
Not a care in the black and white. Pressing tightly. All I could see were the colors in the shades of gray. And I wished my treasure to be. I pictured he. what he might be like. I dreamt since spring. His love. His touch. The aroma of the night air arising from the fruit. Touched my senses. My heart. I rested. in the scent. In myself. I felt the breeze for the first time. I saw my shadow for what it was. Passing quickly. As sunset came more quickly now. I remembered. Not the ending of the day. A new beginning. A new truth. To live out. To love out. As much as I could. I could not share this field with only myself. Yet I could not tell of its gloriousness without help. Without Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness. Gentleness. And self-control. Nor could I leave the orchard alone. Or at all. I have to sow it. Water it. Bask in it. Yet not alone.
A friend whom I knew well came to join me. It was a pleasant surprise. At first he and I struggled to till the ground together. Not understanding our place. Not knowing how to share the duties of the grounds we stood upon. But knowing that we had come upon something greater than ourselves. That we had been placed there together. When I danced, he danced with me. When I sang, he sang with me. When I laughed, he laughed with me. When I cried, he cried with me. When I questioned, he helped me search for answers. When I stumbled, he picked me up. When I began to give up, he reminded me of whom I was tilling the ground for.
As the stars fell upon us and a new day arose in the nights’ sky, my friend asked me where I saw myself in five years. Where I would like to be. I replied. With someone. A moment passed. Me, he said. You want to be with me. Yes, with you, I answered. With you. We’ve come to love the orchard. To love the fruit. To see the beauty in each piece. Our conversations linger into the night. And continue at the rising of the sun. We dance. We sing. We know some will never understand our treasure. That we’ve found hidden in the secret. Deep in a forest. Unbeknownst to this world. That comes with loving something that cannot be seen with eyes. Or heard with ears. It is simply known. In its mystery. In faith. To be treasure that is growing. This treasure grows. As does his love for me.
Originally posted: July 11, 2007.
January 3, 2011 § Leave a Comment
There’s nothing like a new year to set off right. In the right direction. Towards the right goals. Feeling good about who you are and where you’re at in this very moment. But eager for more. I know I am.
I’m ready for a new chapter to begin. I’m ready to enjoy my life like I never have before. I’m ready (and willing) to accept myself in the place that I’m at right now even though it’s not where I want to always be. Not where I want to stay.
I’m excited to see where I allow myself to go. These past few months have been world changing. Perspective changing for the way that I see things. My outlook has become immensely more clear on who I am as a person. I’ve discovered things I like about myself. And things that I don’t like. At the same time, I’ve learned a technique that has allowed me to work through more issues quicker than I thought possible. EFT has changed my life so incredibly for the better and given me hope to work through my issues and a great amount of freedom.
Freedom to live how I desire to live. In a place that is comfortable. Happy. Loving. And most true to where I’m at right now. Through the usage of tapping I’m able to get triggered (have an overflow of negative energy/feelings that are directly and indirectly connected to past experiences) and work through whatever it is then and there.
I can’t tell you how beautiful of a feeling that is when I used to think my only hope was to:
1) Pray about it until it went away (or just keep praying because it’s “my cross to bare”)
2) Cross my fingers and wait for the universe to give me an “aha” moment
3) Speak with a “talk” counselor with the hopes that I somehow work through it
4) Take supplements for my existential looping due to a chemical imbalance
All those options are well and good. Helpful in many cases; necessary in some. Yet they weren’t working for me. I still felt alone, devalued, broken, lost, insecure, and inferior. Now that’s changing. The tide is coming in and bringing with it an array of new life that is beautiful, empowering, and unique.
Just a couple days ago I dealt with a life-long issue of having a hard time taking instruction, criticism, and just plain being told off. It used to take me back to a time of being 10 and feeling unable to defend myself. I pendulum swung and became extremely defensive and domineering in a creepy way as I grew up. This past Thursday was the last straw. I had a fight-out with a male stylist in a salon. It messed up the rest of my entire day and I thought, “I’m over this. I’m going to tap it out. I can do this.” And I did. Using the skills and tips that my coach, Michelle, has given me over the past few months, I worked through it.
I feel like a new woman and this is only the beginning.
I know I sound like a walking, talking advert for EFT, but it simply works for me. It works. And I love it. I believe in it and it’s going to change my life one tap at a time. That’s all there is to it. My hope is that you find your EFT whatever it may be. I desire for you to find that place where you can see yourself clearly. Where you’re honest with yourself. Where you can look at yourself in the mirror and say, “Self, you’ve got issues, but we can do this.”
Maybe you’re struggling with your weight, or codependency with a loved one, or feeling devalued, or just making it for the month, or reaching a goal you keep trying to achieve over and over but your issues keep getting in the way. Whatever your resolution may be, there’s truth out there for you to hold onto more firmly than the whisper of sand.
My hope for your new year resolution is that you become more honest with yourself. More in reality and say, “Look, self, we can do this. Who am I to kid? I’ve only got one life and I may as well do it right.” No one is going to be mad at you. Or think your weird. Or forsake you because you’ve got stuff. And if they do, they’re seriously missing out.
This is the year to truly live. To live and know yourself for who you are. To embrace the inner beauties and woes inside of you. And to seek out what is right for you in this moment. Happy 2011. Enjoy.